On not writing

I've had a rare weekend of vacation this weekend, with another -- involving a short trip -- next weekend. It's been a time of rest and relaxation for me, though with an indisposition (upon which I won't elaborate) which resulted in my not attempting to visit another congregation for worship. I even managed to sleep through broadcast church services!

It's been strange to me that I've had nothing to say here on the blog. Not that I didn't want to, but I still really don't have anything I wish to "put out there." Other than to update my few readers on the goings on here in Psalmist-land, I just don't have words to share.

So...here's the update!

* I recently signed a contract with a major sacred choral music publisher for the publication of an anthem for which I provided the lyrics. I'm pleased that there is a well-respected editor, and that both SATB and two-part editions are in the works. The respected release date is Spring 2009, and potential royalties at least a year out from then. But unlike my first published work, this publisher markets well and this is also less of a "niche" text. I anticipate that it will sell well among youth choirs and in school markets open to religious texts.

* My secular work situation is fairly promising, if a bit of a roller-coaster right now. I have been on a temporary assignment as (senior) administrative assistant to the CFO of a major hospital network for about two months now. It was only announced last week, though I had known for several weeks, that my boss resigned and a new interim CFO appointment has been announced. This occurred only a few weeks after our CEO was asked by the board to step down, and an interim CEO was announced. He (the interim CEO) went out of his way to tell me that he had received excellent reports about, and seen for himself, the good job I've been doing; he was very much in favor o fmy staying on the assignment indefinitely, if I wanted to. Though it has been very difficult to handle the uncertainty involved in an about-to-resign and completely absent boss -- one I truly liked and enjoyed working for -- I realized I'd be a complete fool to leave. Had my first boss stayed, all the signs were there for me to be hired permanently. Well, now that I've met and worked with my new boss just a little, again I see signs that he would like for me to stay as long as I wish to; he stated that he has no desire to bring in anyone else for the position and he values my input as far as procedures and perceptions of how we can best get the CFO's duties done well. SOOOO...all that to say, I'm in a pretty good situation, for a temp! It's the temp part of it that I want to see change. I'm still in that limbo of being unable to take any time off to see a doctor, and there's just too much that I've put off for too long. Not that I couldn't afford the visit, but the tests and the meds would bankrupt me. I've been that close to the financial edge for that long.

* Church continues to go well. I missed "my people" this morning, but I need this time away as well. I worked lots of extra hours so I could be ready to be completely gone for two weekends in a row, and in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I finally made it back home and hit the sack. I've decided, and have the pastor's blessing, to limit my schedule to two nights per week as much as possible. This will mean combining my youth and adult handbell ensembles, probably on Tuesday nights, and continuing with my adult choir on Wednesday nights. Between gas prices and the official number of hours of my employment, to say nothing of running myself ragged with three nights per week, I think this will be better stewardship of my time and energy. Meanwhile, once I return from vacation, that next Wed. night I'll be meeting with my team for VBS music, then we kick it off the next Sunday night. I'll have to ask to leave early from the day job Mon - Thurs of that week, which is a lot for a temp to ask for. Fortunately, my new boss is a Christian and I think will understand and concur, as long as I get my work done. We (the day job) have a budget workshop that next Saturday, for which I have to prepare lots of the materials, but I don't actually have to be at the workshop. It's always something. At least I'm not bored.

*To the several who have been interested in hearing about the "romantic relationship," it's ongoing, but very low-key. There is significant geographic distance involved, and neither of us, by mutual agreement, is planning any travel to be together for the time being. He's been through some seriously difficult family issues lately, and we've been drawn close in prayer about them. You're welcome to pray, too, if you're so inclined. Names and specifics are not important; God knows all concerned. :)

*And so, I continue to walk by faith and not by sight. Just reviewing what I've written shows that other than my part-time church position, nothing could be considered "stable." After all these years of instability, I'm not sure what I'd do with a suddenly "stable" life. (Isn't "stable life" for horses?) God always has been, and remains, sufficient. And perhaps that's why there isn't more to write. What more is there, really, that needs to be said?

Finally able to breathe!

It's good that summer has essentially arrived. Good for my sanity, that is.

Don't get me wrong. I adore the musicians I lead and our ministry together. I'm simply very tired. The frenzy of activity in the month of May was enormous this year. I'm making a promise to myself to not ever again attempt a major multi-group concert in May, ever again, even if the holidays coincide well for it. (We presented our every-musical-group-in-the-church-does-a-patriotic-bash-concert last Sunday evening, the day after Armed Forces Day and the weekend prior to Memorial Day weekend.) The concert went extremely well, despite some marked under-rehearsal on the part of several of my groups, and was well-received, but it was TOO.MUCH for this time of year.

My school age children did very well as the loft choir the Sunday before the concert, which was Pentecost, and also the observance of Mother's Day. That was also a coinciding of two "heavy" days that I'm glad doesn't happen very often.

Oh, and I started a new day-job assignment the Monday prior to the patriotic concert, one that my agency didn't tell me had an end time of 6:00 p.m. every day. Mind, I had a 7:00 down-beat for final rehearsals on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. If I'd known about that requirement, I'd have turned down the assignment or else negotiated a 5:30 p.m. end time (which is, this past week, how it did get negotiated, after it became clear that I was expected to donate a full hour of unpaid overtime, eating at my desk or in the conference room and answering all the calls that came in). It's an assignment supporting the CFO of the county hospital, and entails a fairly high stress level, especially here at the beginning. I don't know the end date of the assignment. A candidate for the permanent position turned it down, they don't have an answer from their other permanent candidate yet, and if she turns it down, they have to start from scratch. I actually meet all the desired and required qualifications, so it's not outside the realm of possibility that I could end up being considered, in which case I'd have to temp through a contract period and then be hired. But that's unhatched chicken territory, so I'm not thinking too much about that. I'm doing a pretty good job. The 7-month temp prior to me kind of made a hash out of a lot of the job, and I'm getting the office more organized. I acquitted myself well at a Board of Managers finance committee meeting on Thursday, a major hurdle. Major stuff is happening, including the CEO being replaced; we had a new boss after the Board meeting Friday afternoon, and Tuesday morning (early) it's all getting laid out for the C-level and VPs.

But anyway, my rehearsal schedule is d0wn to one evening rehearsal per week and one more per month. We take July off for both those groups, too, and I'll be taking two back-to-back July Sundays off; much needed. I'm hoping to take a weekend in Kerrville to get our handbells reconditioned. The tech came on-site last fall and this is a once-per-five-year-or-so thing. He's got a neat deal set up, where he has modest accomodations for those who bring their bells to him. Drop them Friday night or Saturday morning, spend the night, and leave Sunday afternoon with your shiny, reconditioned bells. It's one of the loveliest areas of the state, or so I'm told; I've never been there. (If you like James Avery's jewelry, that's where his studio is, too.) I haven't had a get-away vacation in nearly ten years, and finally I'll have enough money niched away to afford the lodging (the church has already agreed to pay my mileage, which is a bargain compared to the cost of shipping handbells).

So, a saner pace, a mini-vacation to look forward to, and

(trumpet fanfare)

A romantic relationship developing. Not going to say much about that at this time, but it's been WONDERFUL to my heart. He's a fine man who's genuinely attracted to me as a human being and as a woman. We're taking things very slowly for the time being. "And that's all I'm going to say about that."

God is good.

I spoke too soon.

I am no longer being considered for the church staff position I mentioned in the last blog entry.

The senior pastor of that congregation called today--the day of the interview, and with me already dressed for it and at work on a short-term assignment--to tell me that the committee with whom I interviewed last Thursday had decided not to recommend either of their finalist candidates to the Staff-Pastor-Parish Relations Committee, so tonight's interview with them was cancelled. The other committee (Children's Ministry) simply doesn't know what they want. That was obvious from several of the questions they provided for me to answer last week.

As was the case with the church that did not hire me last summer, it's probably ultimately a good thing that it didn't go any further than this.

Still inhales, though.

(Interpret that as you will.)

Coming up for air

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth.

No, Jenny the Righteously-Angry hasn't taken me hostage.

No, I haven't given up blogging for the latter part of the Easter season.

I've just been engulfed in real life.

I'm in the middle of being considered for a full-time staff position with a church almost an hour away and have gone there twice for interviews; a third is scheduled for tomorrow night.

I've just finished working many hours at the United Methodist General Conference (like so many other UMs who live relatively close to Fort Worth). In my case, I spent nearly all that time editing verbatim transcripts of sermons and plenary legislative sessions. (Can you say "terminal headphone hair"?)

'Tis also the season for much serving when one is engaged in music ministry in the local church. My children's choirs' year-end concert was last Sunday, my school-age children's choir is scheduled to be THE service choir next Sunday (Pentecost AND Mother's Day--wheeeee!), and all the church's music groups will be performing for "A Patriotic Celebration" on Sunday evening, May 18th. Most of those groups (that is, all the ones I lead) are decidedly under-prepared, so we're just this side of frantic right now.

Oh, and I'm still between day-job work, General Conference ($12/hour) and a few one-day assignments here and there notwithstanding.

But other than that, nothing much is happening.

But yes, there is, actually. However, it's not something I'm ready to blog about just yet. But it's big, or at least has the potential to be big in the near future.

And THAT is all that's happening at Chez Psalmist. Well, no, there is even more than that, because God is truly good and merciful, but there aren't words.

I'm OK. Truly. Just very, very tired.

An Update

Zorra at Red Heeler Ranch has kindly asked me how I'm doing. It finally dawned on me that it's been nearly a month since I posted anything. So thanks for "checking up" on me, Zorra. Here's an update for you and my other readers.

I did not get an interview for the position I was looking into. Well, that's not quite accurate. During a follow-up call to be sure my resume was received, the pastor conducted a telephone interview. He didn't call it that and it was not at all formal, but questions asked and answered fit that description. A few weeks later, the church decided to expand their organist's duties to include leadership of the music ministry and direction of their chancel choir. Having been in their sanctuary, I see this as a recipe for disaster, unless their pianist does all the accompanying, speaking from an architectural perspective. (The choir cannot see the organist on the bench at all.) So whatever their goals in filling this position, hiring a skilled, experienced choral conductor and proven builder of music ministries was not at the top of that list. And I suppose it's a bit of a relief for me to not be answering to a pastor of my own generation who thought "I need to know, are you one of those women's libbers?" was an appropriate question to ask a professional candidate, even in jest. "I simply believe that all people should be treated with dignity and respect" was my answer, by the way. (And for what it's worth, the organist is a woman, also, who's been on their staff for ten years.)

We're beginning to gear back up for fall at church. It's somewhat of a relief to know that I'm there long-term. Our worship calendar is set through the first half of January, I have a lineup of anthems for the adult choir through the end of Ordinary Time, and I've settled on an adult Christmas cantata, which we'll present in the evening and during which the children will act out their annual pageant. I'm praying right now about whom to ask to be director for the children, since with the combined forces it's too much for me to do. Delegation is NOT a detestable word! Really, it's not. (I keep telling myself this.) No more sewing of extra costumes at the last minute when I could be attending to other equally important details. Two are better than one, as the Good Book says...

I'm in long-term limbo with my current day job situation. I like it pretty well. I'm supporting the property management department of a locally-headquartered national commercial realty firm. They're still one admin support person down from full-strength, and even so, there is no sign they're going to hire me. One property manager in particular has clicked with me quite well and makes no secret of wanting me hired permanently, so perhaps there's some hope. Still, it's difficult to be in the position of not being able to go to the doctor without taking unpaid time off, not having a retirement plan to join, having no long-term disability plan, and knowing that if I were to get seriously ill, I'd lose my job. Adds to the stress in a big way. (The lack of these things is one reason I was motivated to go after the full-time church position. Believe me, it was NOT the warmth of the congregation when I visited...BRRRRRR! --I can say these things now that I'm not in the running anymore.)

But we've started adult rehearsals again...what a joy to have a solid bunch of singers leading on the hymns again! We're starting "light" so that we have time to prepare some of our more challenging anthems properly. But I can hardly wait for Alice Parker's arrangement of "Be Thou My Vision" tomorrow...heavenly!!!

Still tired, but two consecutive weeks of vacation from church did help considerably. All in all, I'm OK. Actually, I'm more than that. God is with me, so how could I be anything BUT well?

"No storm can shake my inmost calm
while to that Rock I'm clinging.
Since love is Lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?"
(Robert Lowry)