Cheap "Grace" and "Forgiveness"

Every so often I come across the idea--written, spoken, and expressed attitude--that grace is a duty and forgiveness can be demanded. I've been thinking a lot about both lately, and here's what has yet again been made clear to me through the Scriptures and my own considerable efforts to put them into practice.

First of all, grace is a gift. It originates from God and, apart from a vital relationship with God, is not a "natural" part of human living. We're too selfish, left to our own devices, to offer one another much grace. Grace is a lavish, wholehearted, selfless showering of godly love upon undeserving fellow sinners. It's neither ours to demand nor even expect. If it were, it would not be grace.

Forgiveness is one expression of grace. Similarly, it is a deliberate and wholehearted decision, specifically not to be bound by or to another's sin against us. If we have sinned against another, we have no right to demand that he or she forgive us.

Christians too often cheapen both grace and forgiveness. The "demand" for forgiveness cheapens the cost of sin; it glosses over the effect our sin has upon the other and seeks to absolve us of any responsibility for repentance and reconciliation. It short-circuits the restoration of true Christian community when we, the sinner, insist that the one we sinned against owes us his or her forgiveness. Which of us would dare to tell Jesus, "You HAD to forgive me; that was your duty"? None, I do hope! Yet there are Christians who stand firm in their unrepentant sin and loudly demand that those they've wronged, forgive them. No amends, no repentance, just ongoing sin--and the demand that it be forgiven because it's their Christian duty to forgive those who have sinned against them.

To me, that sounds an awful lot like the argument Paul refuted to the Roman churches (Rom. 6), that somehow they thought it was good to sin so that more grace would abound. No; instead, Paul showed that sin damages both the sinner and the body--the community, and it grieves the Lord who gave his life that we might no longer be slaves to sin. We ought to be outdoing one another in dying to our sins, not continuing in them even while demanding that those we sin against forgive us!

Grace is cheapened when it is expected. Forgiveness is reduced to a poor imitation when it is formulized and demanded. The sinner should deal with his or her own sin, with God's help, rather than meddling in the alleged lack of grace or unforgiveness of others. Each of us has plenty of sin to keep us busy repenting. We do not need another's forgiveness or grace in order to stop sinning and repent (turn another way) from it. We DO need to pay close attention to the leading of the Holy Spirit on what we ourselves can do to restore relationships broken by our own sin. And as mature Christians, we have a bitter lesson to learn: there are some relationships that may remain broken in this life. That can be a consequence of our sins against others. If we have consistently and unrepentantly torn into a brother or sister, he or she may not be able to trust us. It's going to take a lot of work on our part to become trustworthy, and we only prove our untrustworthiness when we demand "forgiveness" from him or her when we haven't even bothered to express regret or remorse for our sin, or stopped engaging in it in the first place.

The sham of blithe "I forgive you" statements TO people WE'VE sinned against, is especially cheap. When someone shows us that we've sinned against them, we ought to take that very seriously and stop doing it! If we're arrogant and proud in our continued sin against them, they are hardly sinning against us to tell us so. That pride in our sin is, itself, more sin on OUR part, not theirs. And even if they're not completely innocent in terms of sinning against us, we can only control our own behavior, not theirs. Claiming we're forgiving THEM, especially if we throw in a habitual insult in the statement, without ANY evidence of our own repentance, is meaningless. The most it could possibly do is deceive us into thinking we're without sin.

The other person's forgiveness of us, or lack of it, should have no bearing on our repentance. We ought to have repented and sought forgiveness long before they can even offer it. If our sin was unintentional, it's still ours to own and deal with once it's been shown to us. We who were bought at the price of the Lord Jesus Christ's death, can ill afford to deny the sins we commit against others. They may forgive us, but we're still dead in that sin if we deny we even committed it! The forgiveness frees the one we sinned against; we're choosing to live outside that forgiveness. It's no wonder that the self-righteous strive for outward perfection; "whitewashed tombs" was Jesus' description of such denial of sin.

Forgiveness demanded is the height of self-righteous delusion. A truly repentant person acknowledges that he or she has no right to expect any such thing. And in the upside-down paradox of God's economy, it is the truly repentant person who finds true forgiveness and grace, from God, if not always from others he or she has sinned against. One thing is certain, however: The one who insists on another's forgiveness and grace has a heart shut tight against the real article, for that one is still dead in his or her own sin. Repentance must precede acceptance of any forgiveness that may be offered.

Finally, it should be noted that many times, genuine forgiveness takes hard work. It can take time, and it is always a matter of choosing to forgive. It's like submission: if we're in a sinful system that demands it from us, it is no longer the real thing, but merely an outward behavior compelled by one who presumes to control us. That is not how Christians behave, not according to the Scriptures. None of us is in control over another adult believer, nor do we have any right to demand or compel premature forgiveness from another. Our own eyes' planks should concern us much more than the other's eye speck.

We are to take the "one anothers" of Scripture very, very seriously; how we treat one another, according to Christ, is how we treat the Lord himself. If we would not continue rebelliously in open sin against the Lord, we ought not to give even the appearance of doing so against others. If we wouldn't refuse to seek forgiveness from the Lord, we ought to rush to seek it from the brothers and sisters we've wronged. If we would be horrified to say "You deserve my insults" to Jesus, we should repent from insulting another.

If I want forgiveness, it's not mine to demand. I'm much more likely to get it if I do the hard work of ceasing to sin against my neighbor and seeking true reconciliation humbly, as the sinner I am. If I want real relationship with my brother or sister, I need to show myself trustworthy. If I want grace, I need to extend it--real grace, not saccharine words that bely my actions--to the other.

It's not easy to practice (especially if we're immersed in this world's "Me First" mentality), but it's simple. Even the world "gets" it, though it's not widely practiced. I even heard it in Basic Training: "What goes around, comes around." Jesus once again was right: "Do to others as you would that others do to you." I rather doubt that those who so loudly demand forgiveness from others while continuing in their sins, want to have forgiveness demanded from them by unrepentant sinners.

Lent: Day 30

Scripture: Philippians 2:1-15

". . . Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus . . . you shine like stars in the world . . ."

Hymn: "Jesu, Jesu," UMH 432
Tom Colvin, 1969

"Jesu, Jesus, fill us with your love,
Show us how to serve the neighbors we have from you.
Kneels at the feet of his friends,
Silently washes their feet,
Master who acts as a slave to them."

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, Servant of all, I want to follow you. Just as you humbled yourself for my sake, humble me for yours. Show me yourself in my brothers and sisters when they need your love shown to them. Teach me how to serve as you serve.

Even if it means your holy hands, washing my sinful feet, Lord, I want to learn. Please, give me feet to wash for you.

Lent: Day 14

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13

"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. . . . And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love."

Hymn: "The Gift of Love," UMH 408
Hal Hopson, 1972

". . . Come, Spirit, come, our hearts control,
Our spirits long to be made whole.
Let inward love guide every deed;
By this we worship, and are freed."

Prayer:

Rework my heart and my life, O Spirit of God's love, until those qualities true of love are true of me as well.

Make me patient and kind. Make me slow to envy or boast, take away my arrogance and rudeness. Teach me to give up my insistence on my own way, remove my irritability and resentments. Show me how to rejoice in the truth, rather than in wrongdoing. By your power, help me to bear, believe, hope, and endure all things.

And when this life is over, precious Holy Spirit, and I have long since given up my childish, unloving ways, reveal to me the fullness of never-ending love, face to face with God.

Lent: Day 9

Scripture: John 15:1-17

". . . This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you."

Hymn: "Draw Us in the Spirit's Tether" UMH 632
Percy Dearmer, 1931

". . . All our meals and all our living make as sacraments of thee,
That by caring, helping, giving, we may true disciples be.
Alleluia! Alleluia! We will serve thee faithfully."

Prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus, it seems to me that all your teachings can be summed up in one active, urgent word: "Love!"

Teach me to love as you loved, O Lord. You gave it all. You set your glory aside and washed our feet. You healed and taught until you were exhausted. You shared a table with the dregs of society, and hung between two common thieves, after forgiving your executioners. You loved!

If they truly will know we're Christians by our love, dear Jesus, then I wonder if anyone can tell for sure about me. Enroll me in your remedial "Love 101" course and put me through your paces. I want to love those whom you love. And Lord Jesus, I want to love you.

Lent: Day 7

Scripture: Mark 12:28 - 34

". . . The second [commandment] is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no greater commandment than these."

Hymn: "Lord God, Your Love Has Called Us Here," UMH 579
Brian Wren, 1973

"Lord God, your love has called us here,
As we, by love, for love were made,
Your living likeness still we bear,
Though marred, dishonored, disobeyed;
We come, with all our heart and mind,
Your call to hear, your love to find. . . ."

Prayer:

Lord Jesus, your love amazes me. In loving neighbor as yourself, you bore our sins to the cross, and put them to death as you died. You, God-with-us, called me your neighbor! How then can I presume to love myself and despise my neighbor?

This commandment, Lord, cannot be kept with words. Though I may sai I love God, I have lied if I do not then love my neighbor sacrificially. I cannot love my neighbor with cheap words. You paid a high price to love me.

Bless me, dear Jesus, with your Spirit's gifts when I spend myself in love for my fellow human beings. When I do not do that, Lord, bless me with a heart full of sorrow for loving neither God nor neighbor.

Advent, Week 1: Wednesday

Recommended readings from the first Sunday of Advent (from the Revised Common Lectionary):

Jeremiah 33:14-16
Psalm 25:1-10
1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
Luke 21:25-36

"And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you." (1 Thess. 3:12, NRSV)

What a key summary verse for us as Christians! May the Source of our love, the Lord Jesus Christ, grow love within us for one another and for everyone! Oh, yes, cries my soul!

But wait! If love increases, what must decrease?

Envy. Boasting. Arrogance. Rudeness. Insisting on my own way. Being irritable. Being resentful. Finding satisfaction in wrongdoing. Refusing to bear difficulties. Doubt. Despair. Refusing to endure whatever comes my way for the sake of love. (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)

If I am really serious about wanting to grow in love (or, in Wesleyan terms, "go onto perfection in love"), I've got to cooperate with God in removing that which kills love in my life.

It hurts, God. Some of these things have wrapped themselves around my heart and soul, binding them in sinful, unloving ways. Nevertheless, I choose love over self. This day, this moment. Make me more like my Savior.

Fast Away the Old Year Passes: Advent Begins Tomorrow

First Sunday of Advent

Recommended reading (from the Revised Common Lectionary):

Jeremiah 33:14-16
Psalm 25:1-10
1 Thessalonians 3:9-13
Luke 21:25-36

I love this icon! It reminds me that the Lord Jesus Christ is not "real" to some people, because they haven't yet experienced his presence within them. During this season of Advent, we prepare for all three comings of the Christ: into human history in human form, in final victory, and his continual coming into the human heart, to be born in each of us.

Just wishing doesn't make it so. Christ does not force his way into a life crammed full of lesser things. Advent is a kind of "house cleaning," of making room for the One who is Life itself to us.

This week's Lectionary readings, particularly the Gospel reading, deal with the signs of Christ's coming. While the Christina Rossetti text "Love Came Down at Christmas" is not primarily an Advent text, I believe it fits especially well this first Sunday of the year:

Love Came Down at Christmas

Love came down at Christmas,
Love all lovely, love divine;
Love was born at Christmas,
Star and angels gave the sign.

Worship we the Godhead,
Love incarnate, love divine;
Worship we our Jesus:
But wherewith for sacred sign?

Love shall be our token,
Love be yours and love be mine,
Love to God and neighbor,
Love for plea and gift and sign.

Happy New Year to all, and a blessed Advent to you!