Advent, Week 1: Saturday

Matthew 24:36-44 (NRSV):

But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. For as the days of Noah were, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day Noah entered the ark, and they knew nothing until the flood came and swept them all away, so too will be the coming of the Son of Man.

Then two will be in the field; one will be taken and one will be left. Two women will be grinding meal together; one will be taken and one will be left. Keep awake therefore, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.

But understand this: if the owner of the house had known in what part of the night the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and would not have let his house be broken into. Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.

This is one of the passages of Scripture that has given rise to some pretty awful concepts, such as cars suddenly having their drivers be "raptured." I find it amusing that so many Christians expend so much effort on "decoding" the apocalyptic portions of the Bible (especially the Revelation) and claiming to know for certain that we are in the "last days," while here Jesus makes it crystal clear that we do not know the hour or the day when Jesus will return.

My pastor occasionally makes reference to a bumper sticker she saw some years back: "Jesus is coming: Look busy!". It makes me laugh, but there's an ugly truth about it concerning how the church behaves. We are far more willing to engage in "busy work" than to be consistently, faithfully busy doing the actual work the Lord has given us. Some of us are extremely proud to picket abortion clinics, for example; why, Jesus would be so proud of our opposition to abortion! But just what are we doing besides a cheap protest that mainly just irritates people? Not much, at least not much that matters in the lives of women who seek abortions. We refuse to even consider educating our children and youth about human sexuality; we condemn and shun young women who become pregnant outside marriage; we piously condemn the government for doing for single mothers what the church refuses to do: provide them with some financial and housing assistance so that they and their children don't end up homeless and starving to death. Even more telling is our self-insulation from "that kind" of person: someone who's never known a stable family, perhaps infected with a sexually-transmitted disease, who has no stable job and who is now bewildered when faced with the consequences of settling for a sexual relationship while actually seeking love. Have we given her, or her partner, any love as the church? Sadly, no. We make fun of how they dress (droopy pants or pants that don't quite cover midriff and upper hips), we express our distaste for their music, we despise everything they stand for and make no secret of the fact. But hey . . . we get in their faces when out of desperation the pregnant women seek an abortion. (Actually, we get in the faces of any women who go to the clinics, because we don't know if they're there for abortions or for something else, such as contraception, HIV testing, or low-cost Pap tests. We just assume the worst and who cares if we're wrong?)

And that's just one example of how we're doing busywork instead of Kingdom work. Busywork means we never get our hands dirty. Busywork keeps us smug and self-righteous. Busywork is safe.

Kingdom work, however, involves risk. We actually have to get involved in people's lives and meet them where they are. It's messy, it's inconvenient, it's heart-breaking. But it's also the most glorious self-expenditure there is. Really, nothing else has any eternal value.

God makes it clear that our outward piety means nothing if we do not humble ourselves and walk in our Savior's footsteps. Christ loved us so much that he emptied himself, took on human flesh, was born into poverty, all so that he could become sin for our sakes on the cross. He was absolutely, vitally involved in our lives. How dare we settle for outward, meaningless forms of self-congratulatory piety when we're called to be the body of Christ, alive in the world, touching and healing and loving and teaching those Christ died to save?

That is what it means, in my opinion, to be ready for Christ. And isn't it interesting that when we do these things, we see the face of the Savior in those we serve?

Wrestling, revisited

I've been off the blog here lately, dealing with a pretty major issue (actually two related issues). I've decided to write about it here.

The friends who've been keeping up with my employment situation are aware that, as things stand now, I have two disparate areas of work: my position as part-time minister of music at my much-loved church, and my scrambling efforts to stay employed in the secular business world as an administrative support worker. The former is very stable; I find a great deal of satisfaction ministering in an area in which I'm technically very competent and which is a good match for a number of my strongest gifts. The latter, unfortunately, is sapping much of my strength and energy. The work isn't; here again, I'm more than competent and bring a lot of good skills to the positions I've filled. The problem is that over and over again, the positions that could have/were supposed to result in a job offer, have fizzled or shifted or been eliminated. As much as I try to tell myself it's no reflection on who I am, each disappointment rips out a piece of me. I suppose that's because I don't just show up and work like an automaton; I put a lot of myself into my work and take pride in the excellence of what I do. When the job goes away, it's difficult not to see that as a negative judgment of the value of who I am and what I can do.

The obvious answer (for quite some time now) is to work full-time at the part-time job. That would be great, if I could only afford to stop doing secular work. But I am my own sole support. A pitifully small retirement fund is my only "nest egg." Other than marrying for money--something for which I have had exactly zilch offers--there's no way to make ends meet if I ditch the secular employment. This is not whining, this is fact.

(It's this reality that makes me laugh sometimes at the patriarchalists' pontifications that claim a woman's only godly option is to "be a keeper at home." That's all well and good and should be a viable, honorable choice--for those women who are truly called to minister primarily to husbands and children. Those of us who have neither, simply don't exist in their myopic little world. But I digress...)

A United Methodist church the next county over is searching for a full-time music minister. After much prayer and consultation with the dear friend who is also my pastor, I've applied. After speaking with the pastor to follow up on sending my resume, it appears I'm a strong candidate. (This was confirmed by my pastor, who also spoke with him.)

The thing is, I hate to even think of leaving my church. It's a seriously painful prospect. However, the ongoing pain (to say nothing of the financial uncertainty) of never knowing if I have a job to go to that will pay the bills, has become overwhelming to me. With every assignment I accept, it has become harder and harder to psych myself up to be perky and optimistic and positive. (I'm not genuinely any of those things even at my best! So I'm doing a whole lot of faking of it now.)

(Note to my readers: If you have an administrative assistant or associate with anyone who does administrative support work for you, PLEASE don't treat such people as disposable, as though there's ten more just like 'em where they came from. That's a unique, gifted child of God who is doing a valuable job for you, probably for pay most other people would laugh at. Cherish that person as an intelligent employee. They're not human wallpaper, even if they're "just a temp." Too many people have no concept just how poorly they treat administrative support personnel. That's somebody's life they're messing with. If they're not doing things up to snuff, talk to them! They are probably capable of a lot more and with a little encouragement could end up being invaluable to you. End of rant/suggestion/encouragement to keep on loving your admin support folks.)

A full-time position like this is what I earned my degree to do. It was a cold blow to learn, upon searching for a full-time music ministry position, that that degree would have to be a stepping-stone to an advanced degree if I ever wanted to work in such a position. It was when I was doing just that that my marriage failed, my money ran out, and God seemed to be moving me toward a different kind of ministry. I'm still not out of that bewildering territory. Just what AM I called to do? In answer to that ongoing question, this door seems to be opening. Is this going to be the means by which I eventually return to school and finish SOME master's degree? I don't know. I do know that I'm called to be faithful, trusting God to reveal enough of the way so that I may follow. My heart's been in the desert for a long time, ever since leaving pastoral ministry six years ago. During those four precious years, I knew without doubt that I was where God wanted me to be, doing what God was callign me to do. My soul almost died when I left. Now, the grace and love that surround me part of the time, at my church, serve to underscore just how lacking in grace and love much of the business world is. I have tried, very hard, to be faithful in that desert, offering God in whatever ways I could to those with whom I've worked. But that's very different from the clearly ongoing call to help equip the saints to minister in the world.

Is this possible return to full-time church ministry God's supply of a field in which to labor? I don't know. I suppose I'll know when and if the position is offered to me. All the experts say to do what you love, and the money will follow. I don't know about that. I do know that I've longed for a very long time to do what I'm passionate about: helping fellow disciples to grow in Jesus Christ and to develop and use their own gifts for ministry. It's what I'm gifted to do. It's what I'm called to do. It's what I want to do. Dear God, you know it's what I've been trying to do for all these years.

I'm trying to trust you.

Third Sunday in Lent

"Guide My Feet"

African-American spiritual

1. Guide my feet while I run this race. (Yes, my Lord!)
Guide my feet while I run this race. (Yes, my Lord!)
Guide my feet while I run this race,
For I don't want to run this race in vain!

2. Hold my hand ...

3. Stand by me ...

4. I'm your child ...

5. Search my heart ...

6. Guide my feet ...


My apologies to those of you who read regularly and have missed the daily posts. I had a difficult wedding to coordinate on Saturday and a regular marathon Sunday, and have been too exhausted and muddled to find blogging time. I'm posting Sunday's, today's, and tomorrow's hymns tonight (Monday).