And now, for the Day Job news

It's about to become a "permanent" day job.

My new boss told me Monday that he wants to extend a job offer to me as soon as he and our HR department can work out the details. He considers it an issue of fairness, because he's confident I'm a good fit for what he needs in an assistant, and he doesn't want me without benefits any longer.

Friends, I've been waiting for this since I got laid off from my LAST hospital job in 2003. While I've considered/been considered for other kinds of jobs (including full-time church positions), nothing's worked out. As Arsenio Hall used to say, "It's TIME!"

Since it's not a done deal yet, I was hesitant to post anything. But this really is good news. When I actually accept the job offer, however, I doubt I'll need to post an update; y'all will hear me clear around the hemisphere, I suspect.

How I'm Doing (for Paisley)

Hi, dear sister, and thanks for asking!

It's very late, and I should be sleeping, but we had a bit of a crisis at church this afternoon (a minor sought refuge with us because her mother was beating her--police involvement, then my rehearsal and the pastor's youth activity night...I stayed late debriefing with the pastor, then I had to go to my least favorite place--Wal-Mart--for something I was completely out of and can't find anywhere else--YUCK!) ---- ANYway, I'm kind of hyped up and can't sleep.

I'm finally working again, such as it is. So-so pay. It's a little distance from me, but in the light-traffic direction from where I live. "Fur piece" from church (as we say around here), though, on those nights when I have to go straight from one job to another. It's for a local government office. I accepted the assignment as a temp-to-hire, administrative assistant position. But it's a straight temp assignment, not longer than four months, as a cashier. NOT what I signed on for, so I'm putting out feelers again even as I'm continuing to work. I really despise the deceit that's so rampant in much of the staffing industry. Clients deceive the agencies, and both clients and agencies deceive the temps. Why not? We're expendable.

But again, I am glad for the work. I was out for nearly three months and things got pretty desperate financially.

Church is very good. Give me a little longer, and I'll try to post an entry about Easter worship. It was VERY good.

So all the things that really matter are going pretty well. I'm down tonight, but trying not to stay there.

Actually, I'm now going to try to get to bed.

Thanks again for asking, Paisley. I'll drop by your place and ask you the same question, or if you beat me to it, I'd love to hear how you're doing.

The Interview Decision

The other candidate was offered and has accepted the position at the pharmaceutical company.

I may have another position to start on Monday, albeit for significantly less money but for a whole lot more than what I was making at assignment-from-the-hot place October - December. I'm waiting to hear for certain that it's still open and get more details about it. It could even develop into a permanent position.

As I just told my pastor, who has been a supportive friend through this day-job odyssey, it would help if I simply knew what tipped the decision against me. That, unfortunately, is something I'm never told in all the times this has happened. Is it my size? My age? My strange work history? Did I say something wrong in the interview? What were they looking for that I could not provide?

(sigh)

Still trusting, even when it's hard. And meanwhile, I am weighing less and have a couple of professional outfits that I look REALLY GOOD in. For my depressed fluff-head clothes-focused survivor self, that's SOMETHING, no?


Update: I did get the back-up assignment and it will start either Monday or Tuesday. The minimum duration is four weeks. The client company is in the process of creating a permanent position for the work that has previously been contracted projects, because their business has expanded to the point the projects are continuing year-round now. So, it may morph into a temp-to-hire position. Not holding my breath, but glad to have work to go to again.

NEW Update: The assignment has been postponed until a week from Monday. Hoping for a short assignment until then, but that's not too likely. Maddening!

Update

Thank you, everyone.

The interview went very well. I did not wear the plum suit, which I was dismayed to find that a cat had given claw love (those with cats understand; for the rest of you, that's when a cat is feeling, "Like wow, like I LOVE my mom, I think I'll do my massage-y nursing behavior on this thing that smells like my mom") to the skirt before I last sent it to the cleaner's. So -- BIG risk -- I shopped for a cold-weather-appropriate suit. I found one IN THE MISSES' PETITE DEPARTMENT (woo-hoo! -- weight loss) and I looked fabulous in it. Plain navy slacks, a fitted pale blue shell piped with navy at the neckline, and the most marvelous navy-black-light blue-pearl gray long-sleeve tapestry long bolero jacket. Quietly elegant, worn with a classy pair of navy pumps and simple silver chain and earrings. AND I got a good price on the suit.

(I notice when I'm a bit stressed out, I tend to focus on clothes. I guess there are worse things than trying to look sharp that could come out of my stress.)

I was the only person out of three from my agency who got an interview. The other contract agency has also presented several candidates, and they wanted to interview one other person, so that interview is tomorrow morning. So I'll attend a funeral at my church and, by the time I can turn my phone back on, I could have a final answer. But I'm still definitely in the running.

The department I'll be supporting (it's not just executive support) involves safety, environmental compliance, and security. It's a global company, so there's a huge scope of knowledge that I'll need to soak up as quickly as possible. But through my time speaking with the VP director and the assistant director, I think I'd be a fantastic fit. Their feedback was that I would be, too. The last time I felt this good about an interview was when I got the job that only ended when my boss got fired, so...as I said, I'm still hopeful.

Thanks again for the support and the prayers, my friends. I'll post something once I'm back at a computer

Thank you for caring, friends

Just a brief note to thank my readers for your concerns and prayers.

The depression has been seriously bad this past month or so. I found I simply couldn't meet my day-to-day obligations at church and day job, and blog as well. That well was dry, dry, dry. Sorry I just up and stopped writing.

The day job situation was not good at all; I accepted a long-term fill-in position at the same company where I thought I had a permanent job in the works the beginning of last year, until my boss was fired and I was laid off. It was for a type of work I don't enjoy, for less money than even the state of Texas required me to accept (vs. unemployment), and I had a couple of very demoralizing experiences on that assignment. But it's over now. There's good in every bad situation.

I had another no-interview turn-down happen recently, this one at my pastor's home church; they were looking for a communications secretary and my pastor was certain they'd consider me the ideal candidate. Not even an acknowledgment when I sent in my resume, and a brush-off when I followed up by phone.

Now, I have an interview scheduled (the first of those in a long time) for Monday morning at a large pharmaceutical company's headquarters, for a position of executive admin to their VP of Security. I have higher test scores and a more comprehensive skill set than the other two candidates, according to the new agency that's sending me. This company (client) is notoriously difficult to get a foot in their door, so I'm glad for the opportunity and hoping for the best. The position is vacant because the previous exec assistant just retired, so the VP is clearly not looking for a Barbie-doll kind of candidate. I've dropped enough weight that my old-but-elegant plum suit fits again (now that it's too cold here to wear the new blouse-enhanced 3/4-sleeve interview outfit), and I'm headed out to do Sunday prep work at church and will make a swing by Steinmart to treat myself to a new scarf to spiff it up; the collarless neckline requires either that or a choker-length necklace, and I like the softness of a scarf better. If all else fails, my VERY old pink paisley silk scarf will work again. And my Aigner burgundy pumps will be perfect with the outfit. Truth to tell, I haven't had an actual interview since June. I've kept wardrobing for one, but not getting it. Yeah, this feels a little more like it.

If I get this job, the pay will be such that I can afford to meet my obligations AND take the occasional time off for things like seeing a doctor and a dentist. What a novel concept! It will nearly match the best hourly rate I've ever made. The downside is that I could be temping for up to a year. But heck, that's what I've been doing, piece-meal, for over four years now, so what's the diff? (The pay, that's what.) Not to count an unhatched chicken, but I really do want the job.

Anyway, back to the no-blogging thing. I'm not going to make any commitment to myself or to my few readers to write here regularly. Thanks again for caring and to Paisley and Singing Owl for commenting. I'll try to write something periodically just to prove I'm still alive and kicking.

Happy 2008, all.

Back again

Hello. It's the amazing disappearing Psalmist, re-emerging from blog silence.

I thought about concocting a story about a top-secret mission to eradicate some evil or other, but then realized I wouldn't be able to say anything about it if it were so, so that's out.

I thought about being humorous, but I'm not especially funny these days.

I thought about just yanking down the blog altogether because I obviously am not spending any time with it. But I don't really want to do that, either.

The truth is, a lot of "stuff," some of it good, has been happening, and I'm simply overwhelmed.

I've added an additional ensemble with rehearsal on another weeknight. This means I have three weeknight rehearsals, with a fourth ensemble/rehearsal once per month. My official lineup is:

SUNDAY
Early service with ensemble warm-up prior
Warm-up rehearsal between services when "extra" group(s) sing/ring
Late service with choir warm-up prior
(Give a private voice lesson right after lunch; GOOD student)
Evening service - no music responsibilities except putting out books
(Half-hour for community supper)
Pre-school choir rehearsal
School-age choir rehearsal
Lock-up/close-up facilities

MONDAY
Day job (more about that below)
Adult handbell rehearsal

TUESDAY
Day job
Youth handbell rehearsal

WEDNESDAY
Day job
Adult choir rehearsal
(Private voice lesson -- for a flaky student)

THURSDAY
Day job
Monthly early service ensemble rehearsal
Semi-monthly administrative council meeting

FRIDAY
Day job
OFF! in the evening

SATURDAY
OFF! (Except when something's going on at church)

There is a lot going on. Sometimes it helps to see it in a list like that.

As for the day job, it's really in flux. I was out of day-job work for most of the month of October. I applied for unemployment benefits, but though my church income doesn't "count" toward qualifying for benefits, I'm still required to report it so that the state can pay me less. I am getting a little bit -- I say am getting because I haven't got it all yet. I've applied for a position at a local non-profit agency and I'm rather excited about it. One of the members of my church, whose daughter's wedding I coordinated this summer, suggested I apply. She's a VP of the agency. There is hope...

Meanwhile, I reluctantly accepted a receptionist position through an agency at the company where, the first of the year, I fully expected to temp into a dream job. That ended when my boss there was suddenly and unexpectedly fired. Anyway, the regular receptionist, who's been there over 15 years, had major surgery. I could have turned down the assignment, as it pays less than the minimum the state said I had to accept, but the receptionist was extraordinarily kind to me on a number of occasions and it's a way to both work and do something good for her. I don't like the work -- busy telephones take way too much out of me and make me super-nervous -- but it IS work. Bummer, though...the agency originally called me frantic for a same-day beginning to the assignment and said it was for just a few cents per hour lower than I made there the last time, which was fine. So I accepted and was getting dressed to go in, then I got a call and they were reducing the rate to more than $1.50 an hour less. That's where I got reluctant. Unprofessional, on both the agency's and the company's part. I let stuff like that get to me.

During my unemployment, I had several interviews. One was for a hospital system and I decided I needed to splurge on a suit, because all of my suits are many years old and/or don't fit me very well. Found one on sale and snapped it up; I've gotten a lot of compliments on it. (A classic look with some updated details. See photo image. And no, it is NOT a photo of me. It's the model in the online catalog of a store that begins with the same initials as Jesus Christ's, and ends with a homophone of the smallest denomination of American coin.)
Anyway, I've worn it exactly three times, and was going to take it to be cleaned, only to discover that the side seams of the skirt are disintegrating. That is, the fabric is fraying out into the body of the skirt from both sides of the seam. It is beyond repair. This was a well-fitting suit. In fact, it was slightly on the loose side; not tight in any way. I did nothing to cause this problem. But now I have to go back to the store to do battle and see if I can return it after three wearings...then wonder if there's ANYTHING that will not fall apart that fits me for anywhere near the same price...since I have very little money at this point to spend on something more expensive. And I do want to dress impeccably for the non-profit agency interview. I'm a class act and I want to dress that way, too.

(Warning to the women out there, considering buying garments made of the new synthetic loose-weave tweed stuff: DON'T BUY IT, at least not until you've checked the construction very carefully and tested the durability of the seam areas.)

Meanwhile, back at the interviews: I didn't get the new suit hospital position. I also didn't get one I applied for on my own, at a WordPerfect law office. I let the person who gave me their proof-reading test take it from me before I was finished and therefore I missed too much on it -- duh! It was not a good experience and showed me that the attorney, who wasn't even there that day, let someone totally inept screen his applicants in a very unprofessional way. Probably just as well, but that second "wearing of the suit" went the way of the first. (Another agency underbid mine on the hospital job, and my agency didn't even bother to call me to tell me. It took me three calls to them to find out.)

And on top of everything else, there have been trials here at my apartment complex. It's an older complex and getting less and less safe. With no warning, the management changed the first of September and it wasn't until this past Thursday that I found out the municipal housing authority had purchased the property. With being out of work, the money I'd been hoping to accumulate so I could afford to move the end of this month (when my lease was up) got spent to pay bills instead. I lost the $50-off any month's rent voucher that was part of my last renewal incentive because there was no notice of the pending sale. They were going to renege on my reserved parking place that it took me 4 1/2 years to qualify for and which is a safety issue for me. But finally, because my options were limited, I met with the new manager Thursday right after work and she discussed the issues. She decided she would keep the existing reserved spaces and was negotiating with the towing company on authorizing towing when others park in the spaces (an ongoing problem, especially since the office personnel were telling new residents they COULD park in them). But my rent went up significantly, though it's still very reasonable for the size of my unit in this market. The handwriting's on the wall, though. I need to move next year, before I'm forced to because of income restrictions they're almost certainly going to impose in 1-2 years. But I signed a new lease. There's something oddly reassuring about that. (In my first phone conversation with the manager, after I learned about the pending elimination of reserved parking, I said I'd have to re-think living someplace where a valuable "perk" of being a long-term resident was not going to be honored, she said she'd be glad to let me out of my lease with no penalty so I could move immediately. That did NOT leave me feeling like she valued long-term tenants on the property. Fortunately, she had a very different attitude when I visited in person.)

Well, that's WAY more than I planned to blog about. But it's the stuff that's been distracting and troubling me.

What I do want to be sure to include is this: Tomorrow we celebrate All Saints' Sunday. In addition to Holy Communion and remembering our departed saints, we're also celebrating the baptism of our newest child, the little sister of one of my favorite children, a four-year-old boy who makes me smile every time we meet. (He's also the boy who ran to his Nana and mom very upset last Saturday night at Trunk or Treat, because he'd seen me fall on the parking lot and hurt myself, saying "Miss [Psalmist] is hurt! Mom, is she going to be OK? I'll miss her if she can't come to choir." --How sweet is that?!) I love the reminder that all of life is a cycle of birth and death, that we're surrounded by that great cloud of witnesses as we run our race to obtain the prize.

Our God is VERY good!

An Update

Zorra at Red Heeler Ranch has kindly asked me how I'm doing. It finally dawned on me that it's been nearly a month since I posted anything. So thanks for "checking up" on me, Zorra. Here's an update for you and my other readers.

I did not get an interview for the position I was looking into. Well, that's not quite accurate. During a follow-up call to be sure my resume was received, the pastor conducted a telephone interview. He didn't call it that and it was not at all formal, but questions asked and answered fit that description. A few weeks later, the church decided to expand their organist's duties to include leadership of the music ministry and direction of their chancel choir. Having been in their sanctuary, I see this as a recipe for disaster, unless their pianist does all the accompanying, speaking from an architectural perspective. (The choir cannot see the organist on the bench at all.) So whatever their goals in filling this position, hiring a skilled, experienced choral conductor and proven builder of music ministries was not at the top of that list. And I suppose it's a bit of a relief for me to not be answering to a pastor of my own generation who thought "I need to know, are you one of those women's libbers?" was an appropriate question to ask a professional candidate, even in jest. "I simply believe that all people should be treated with dignity and respect" was my answer, by the way. (And for what it's worth, the organist is a woman, also, who's been on their staff for ten years.)

We're beginning to gear back up for fall at church. It's somewhat of a relief to know that I'm there long-term. Our worship calendar is set through the first half of January, I have a lineup of anthems for the adult choir through the end of Ordinary Time, and I've settled on an adult Christmas cantata, which we'll present in the evening and during which the children will act out their annual pageant. I'm praying right now about whom to ask to be director for the children, since with the combined forces it's too much for me to do. Delegation is NOT a detestable word! Really, it's not. (I keep telling myself this.) No more sewing of extra costumes at the last minute when I could be attending to other equally important details. Two are better than one, as the Good Book says...

I'm in long-term limbo with my current day job situation. I like it pretty well. I'm supporting the property management department of a locally-headquartered national commercial realty firm. They're still one admin support person down from full-strength, and even so, there is no sign they're going to hire me. One property manager in particular has clicked with me quite well and makes no secret of wanting me hired permanently, so perhaps there's some hope. Still, it's difficult to be in the position of not being able to go to the doctor without taking unpaid time off, not having a retirement plan to join, having no long-term disability plan, and knowing that if I were to get seriously ill, I'd lose my job. Adds to the stress in a big way. (The lack of these things is one reason I was motivated to go after the full-time church position. Believe me, it was NOT the warmth of the congregation when I visited...BRRRRRR! --I can say these things now that I'm not in the running anymore.)

But we've started adult rehearsals again...what a joy to have a solid bunch of singers leading on the hymns again! We're starting "light" so that we have time to prepare some of our more challenging anthems properly. But I can hardly wait for Alice Parker's arrangement of "Be Thou My Vision" tomorrow...heavenly!!!

Still tired, but two consecutive weeks of vacation from church did help considerably. All in all, I'm OK. Actually, I'm more than that. God is with me, so how could I be anything BUT well?

"No storm can shake my inmost calm
while to that Rock I'm clinging.
Since love is Lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?"
(Robert Lowry)

Wrestling, revisited

I've been off the blog here lately, dealing with a pretty major issue (actually two related issues). I've decided to write about it here.

The friends who've been keeping up with my employment situation are aware that, as things stand now, I have two disparate areas of work: my position as part-time minister of music at my much-loved church, and my scrambling efforts to stay employed in the secular business world as an administrative support worker. The former is very stable; I find a great deal of satisfaction ministering in an area in which I'm technically very competent and which is a good match for a number of my strongest gifts. The latter, unfortunately, is sapping much of my strength and energy. The work isn't; here again, I'm more than competent and bring a lot of good skills to the positions I've filled. The problem is that over and over again, the positions that could have/were supposed to result in a job offer, have fizzled or shifted or been eliminated. As much as I try to tell myself it's no reflection on who I am, each disappointment rips out a piece of me. I suppose that's because I don't just show up and work like an automaton; I put a lot of myself into my work and take pride in the excellence of what I do. When the job goes away, it's difficult not to see that as a negative judgment of the value of who I am and what I can do.

The obvious answer (for quite some time now) is to work full-time at the part-time job. That would be great, if I could only afford to stop doing secular work. But I am my own sole support. A pitifully small retirement fund is my only "nest egg." Other than marrying for money--something for which I have had exactly zilch offers--there's no way to make ends meet if I ditch the secular employment. This is not whining, this is fact.

(It's this reality that makes me laugh sometimes at the patriarchalists' pontifications that claim a woman's only godly option is to "be a keeper at home." That's all well and good and should be a viable, honorable choice--for those women who are truly called to minister primarily to husbands and children. Those of us who have neither, simply don't exist in their myopic little world. But I digress...)

A United Methodist church the next county over is searching for a full-time music minister. After much prayer and consultation with the dear friend who is also my pastor, I've applied. After speaking with the pastor to follow up on sending my resume, it appears I'm a strong candidate. (This was confirmed by my pastor, who also spoke with him.)

The thing is, I hate to even think of leaving my church. It's a seriously painful prospect. However, the ongoing pain (to say nothing of the financial uncertainty) of never knowing if I have a job to go to that will pay the bills, has become overwhelming to me. With every assignment I accept, it has become harder and harder to psych myself up to be perky and optimistic and positive. (I'm not genuinely any of those things even at my best! So I'm doing a whole lot of faking of it now.)

(Note to my readers: If you have an administrative assistant or associate with anyone who does administrative support work for you, PLEASE don't treat such people as disposable, as though there's ten more just like 'em where they came from. That's a unique, gifted child of God who is doing a valuable job for you, probably for pay most other people would laugh at. Cherish that person as an intelligent employee. They're not human wallpaper, even if they're "just a temp." Too many people have no concept just how poorly they treat administrative support personnel. That's somebody's life they're messing with. If they're not doing things up to snuff, talk to them! They are probably capable of a lot more and with a little encouragement could end up being invaluable to you. End of rant/suggestion/encouragement to keep on loving your admin support folks.)

A full-time position like this is what I earned my degree to do. It was a cold blow to learn, upon searching for a full-time music ministry position, that that degree would have to be a stepping-stone to an advanced degree if I ever wanted to work in such a position. It was when I was doing just that that my marriage failed, my money ran out, and God seemed to be moving me toward a different kind of ministry. I'm still not out of that bewildering territory. Just what AM I called to do? In answer to that ongoing question, this door seems to be opening. Is this going to be the means by which I eventually return to school and finish SOME master's degree? I don't know. I do know that I'm called to be faithful, trusting God to reveal enough of the way so that I may follow. My heart's been in the desert for a long time, ever since leaving pastoral ministry six years ago. During those four precious years, I knew without doubt that I was where God wanted me to be, doing what God was callign me to do. My soul almost died when I left. Now, the grace and love that surround me part of the time, at my church, serve to underscore just how lacking in grace and love much of the business world is. I have tried, very hard, to be faithful in that desert, offering God in whatever ways I could to those with whom I've worked. But that's very different from the clearly ongoing call to help equip the saints to minister in the world.

Is this possible return to full-time church ministry God's supply of a field in which to labor? I don't know. I suppose I'll know when and if the position is offered to me. All the experts say to do what you love, and the money will follow. I don't know about that. I do know that I've longed for a very long time to do what I'm passionate about: helping fellow disciples to grow in Jesus Christ and to develop and use their own gifts for ministry. It's what I'm gifted to do. It's what I'm called to do. It's what I want to do. Dear God, you know it's what I've been trying to do for all these years.

I'm trying to trust you.